We are needing to chose between sending our 19 yo son to the state university he wants to go to as a spring-entry freshman this January and having him finish the year (his first) at the local CC, earning his associates degree using AP credits, and transferring as a sophomore (even though it could be junior credit-wise) in the fall.
Our son has always struggled academically and with responsibility. He’s a very bright kid and has tested well but has not yet developed the maturity for motivation and discipline in doing anything that doesn’t interest him. He lacks executive function skills and habits and always has lots of 0’s, procrastinates etc. He failed 2/3 classes at his gap year program last year due to simply not doing the work. He is continuing the same pattern at CC this fall but could pull it together and do okay.
Pros for going in the spring are that he would participate at least a little bit in that freshman experience of living on a freshman hall in the dorms, easing the transition to college. The other major pro is that his social situation while attending CC is non-existent and he is spending all his time in his room on the computer. He has always been socially timid and rather withdrawn. We worry that another semester at home will further entrench this pattern so going in the spring would start to get him out of that as well as allow him to feel more independence and get him away from some stressful things going on in our family.
The pros for waiting would be that he’d have more time to develop better study habits (that we would insist he get help with) and that he’d earn his associates degree, giving him the chance to participate in a program that would reduce his tuition at the university and save $. We would save $19,000 total (10k by going to cc instead of University for the semester and 9k future tuition reduction) through the transfer program if he stayed at CC for the spring and earned a 3.0, and kept that average at the university. Of course, that is an “if” but greater support measures would be put in place to help him have the best chance.
Right now, the $500 non-refundable deposit is due to the University in two days. We are hesitating on paying that when we might not send him, but have come to the conclusion that we are probably not yet ready to close the door on that option and unless we decide otherwise in the next 36 hours we will have to pay it and take the risk. We would make the deposit contingent on him using a tutor for the rest of the school term and maybe even doing some family therapy to figure out why he chooses not to do the work and isn’t motivated to get help with his weaknesses. (He continues to insist he can do it on his own and to push us away even with repeated failures.) When we see how he responds to these measures and how he has done at CC for the rest of the term we will have a better idea of whether to send him or not but any objective feedback or input that I haven’t thought of if any of you have gotten this far would be greatly appreciated! THANK YOU!
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