Hey everyone. I have been reading on CC for a while but just made an account so that I could post. This is a long story, but I feel the need to be thorough in the hopes that it will not get me some of the unnecessary criticism that often comes up when someone posts about a similar situation.
This semester (around the mid-point) I was diagnosed with a kidney infection after being rushed to the hospital. I had been treated for a UTI two weeks prior, but went back to the clinic a few days after my antibiotics were done because the symptoms had not gotten any better, but a test came back negative for another one, and other tests came back negative. I have also been suffering from an unspecified upper respiratory infection since that time (tests for pneumonia, bronchitis, and mono all negative). I had told my mom that I had been having issues with these problems, but downplayed how serious they were. The fact that I was physically unwell also heightened my anxiety & depression, and for those reasons I recently did late drops from 2/4 classes I am taking, and I may have to see about retroactively doing a medical withdrawal from my other two classes for this semester, but am going to talk to a school counselor tomorrow.
I have suffered throughout college from my anxiety & depression, and the last year has been very difficult for me personally and academically. I would have told my parents about how bad my overall health has gotten this semester sooner if I thought that they would be supportive. I know that they will want me to stay home and take a semester off, but I am much healthier up at school due to having a better support system in place now (advisors, counselors, primary care doctor, friends, living independently). I do not feel like my home is a safe space for me to recover and learn how to keep my mental health in check. I pretended to be healthier than I actually was at the end of this summer so that I could escape back to school. I am not 100% honest with my parents with how serious my anxiety & depression are because I know they will react judgmentally (have tried to let them in several times in the past and it always went terribly), and I know that their negative reaction could put me into a very dark place.
I do not want to hurt their feelings, but I do want to be able to be assertive with them when I say I am not taking a semester off to live at home because I do not feel like it is conducive to me recovering & learning to manage my mental health properly. I am 21, and I have a plan in place to only take 1-2 classes next semester (to keep me involved in school and so I do not have to start paying interest on my loans) and meet with my assistant dean/advisors, along with primary care doctor, as needed. I will also be seeing a counselor through school or one at a private practice nearby, depending on what the counselor tomorrow recommends. I have an apartment up at school that I pay for on my own (along with utilities, textbooks, other expenses) and will be getting a part time job next semester to help pay for basic living expenses. My biological father pays for my tuition, and I will be contacting him about what has been going on with me this semester (although my mother seems to think that she is able to dictate whether or not this money is spent on my schooling).
I would be willing to send my parents weekly progress reports from my classes/counseling visits/advisor appointments, whatever they need as proof that I am up here working to get better. I just know that home is not a safe environment for me to recover in. It is not a healthy home situation, and I have absolutely no friends back home or a judgment-free support-system I can rely on. I just need to find a way to break this to them when I come home a few days before Christmas so that it does not drive us apart completely. I am worried that me refusing to stay home (which will be what they want) is going to make them mad enough that they will no longer want to talk to me. I know that this is long and dramatic, but I am incredibly anxious and am just looking for any way to salvage this relationship with my parents while still being able to recover in the way that I feel I need to.
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