A while ago, I had a discussion with my parents about selecting a college. They sternly expressed their dismay at my intended major and school. Back then, I was focused on my frustration and believed I had made the right decision.
Fast-forward three months and I've lost all that confidence and willpower. I'm not so sure I can conduct myself well 400 miles from home, and I felt homesick and guilty during orientation itself of "abandoning" my parents for 4 years of my life (I intend to return to my home city and work there).
All the adults and friends I've talked to say I'm just spooking myself, and I should not drop the college I insisted upon. While deep down I know they're most likely correct, I can't shake the intense stress and anxiety I feel. It is so strong I'm considering hightailing it and applying to a local CC (they still accept fall applications) before transferring to my local state university. They're decent and cheap programs; the gap between my original choice and this local state university isn't too great. The same companies recruit from either campus.
I am frightened by what my parents might do or say to me if I beg them to let me go to a CC--which they are prejudiced against--and, in doing so, vacillate once again, except this time with a consequence. It would be cheaper overall (and hence practical), and it would mean I'm still at home, to my mother's joy especially, but I imagine my parents would not be amused. And I also fear, due to their bias against CCs and having to backtrack on all those times they told their coworkers and relatives I was going to Irvine or took the long drive here that they will be angry with me and view me as a humiliating flake.
I don't know why I'm suddenly so overcome with fear and reluctance and am unable to push it down. I was always indecisive, but I used to be at least somewhat confident of this decision. Maybe my parents' words rattled me. Maybe (probably) I was just acting impulsively against their strict and harsh words. Either way, I've screwed up. I think this just highlights how immature and unprepared I really am, but the people I've talked to assure me I'm better than that and would miss out on a great experience if I played it safe and went to a local college. Somehow, I'm unable to believe it and also feel frustrated with myself for not being more brave and adventurous when it gets down to it.
I'm sorry for any repetitiveness or rambling. What do you think I should do: stick with my college or go local?
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