I posted this thread a year ago:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1802843-going-back-to-art-school-after-118k-in-student-loan-debt-is-it-possible-to-pay-back-loans-p1.html
I didn't add that a major roadblock was abuse at home because I've been attacked on reddit for "blaming them," when really it's just another thing in my mental health I've dealt with. Luckily as of February I am now living with my boyfriend of a year and a half and am healing from it with minimal contact from them.
But my mom is helping with my loans, and so is my aunt.
My migraines have worsened over the past year since I was diagnosed and I have had them every day, am now diagnosed with three headache disorders, have been hospitalized for them, and am currently on the road to what looks like improvement, I hope, with my 7th (?) preventative medication, B vitamins and magnesium, as well as occipital nerve blocks. However, I still am getting them every day, just not all day or a few days, or as severe, and I will be getting botox soon. I'm soon to be switching to a more stable migraine friendly job in my hospital I work at, that I plan to continue to work at until I have a career.
I am still struggling with depression and anxiety, but the migraines are more prevalent right now. It would soar back up if I attempted nursing school again, I can tell you that. But my greatest concerns revolve around my health, and mostly money, my debt, and my career. I want this resolved such that I can stop my frequent identity crises over giving up my long time dreams and just become an artist full time. Not living and breathing art is the bane of my existence. Sure, there's "free time," when not at a job making a high salary, but it's not the same as living the lifestyle of an artist and being surrounded by creative people, doing art constantly, working your butt off to promote your art. Plus, I'm so exhausted when I come home from work that I only have energy on my days off, with my health currently. I've gotten to the point where I am so unhappy thinking about returning to nursing school or pursuing it as a career. And the stress of school was literally driving me towards suicide when I last tried to the extent that I would be terrified to even attempt, not to mention that with my job it would be even more stressful to support myself while doing so. I honestly think the cure to what will improve my condition will be reconciling in my head my largest regrets over having to leave art school and not living as an artist by pursuing it as a career.
I am back asking the same question, perhaps foolishly, but I cannot reconcile this in my head in any other way. I want to finish the last two years of my BFA at MassArt. This would require more debt. But I am so driven. My art teacher in high school called me one of his top 3 students in his forty year career and one of his other students has given a TED talk and is very successful, so I don't take that lightly. I've been working on art and it's made me happier than I've been in so long. But it's not enough for me. I know enough about nursing by now to know that not only will it not be good for whatever happens with my migraines in the future, but that it is the type of stress than I will likely never be able to handle.
I want to make a career out of art and pay off my loans more than anything and not be impoverished. But I also don't want to be unhappy at a job I hate living my literal every day like I do now with regrets that I am not following my dreams for the rest of my life in hopes for a "someday" that may never come and will just leave me in my current state, depressed and continuously freaking out I'm living an empty life. I am turning 27 soon and I do not want to make the wrong choice about school or something I won't finish, again, however, if not art. I HAVE considered other things: becoming a counselor or doing a 13 week "bootcamp" program to become a computer engineer, both of which I might enjoy but would take more time and more importantly money. But I still don't think I will be happy doing art in my free time and not being an artist full time. I really don't.
Guidance please? Is there ANY hope?
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