We've reached that time of year when we see lots of posts from freshmen who are convinced they have made the wrong choice of college. They are struggling socially and/or academically, and they are convinced that they chose the wrong school and need to transfer asap. I suppose some of these kids ended up where they did due to parental pressure and/or cost constraints. But some seem to have chosen their college and then, when they started to struggle, had a sudden revelation that they need to be someplace bigger or smaller or different politically or religiously.
When we give advice to high school students about picking colleges, we make a big deal about "fit" here on CC. I'm not saying that's wrong, but I do think some students seem to think "fit" means that you hit the ground running and your academic and social life is immediately perfect. That's not what fit means. And not everyone has the luxury of being able to attend the school that would be the best fit anyway. That's where resilience comes in.
When things go wrong, the immediate solution shouldn't be to change the environment (especially when doing so is costly and difficult). My youngest kid suffers from depression and anxiety. In 7th grade she begged us to let her change from the public school to a smaller charter school. Then in 8th grade she begged to leave the charter and go to the public high school. Now midway through the first semester of high school, she is begging to change schools again. She always thinks her problems will be fixed by changing something externally. I've come to realize that her issues are ones that primarily need to be dressed internally, through a combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy. And her doctor and therapist have basically told me to back off and stop trying to fix things for her. By doing so I was reinforcing the idea that the solution was external. She needs to learn to address these issues herself and work through solutions that involve changing her behavior patterns and negative thinking patterns. I can't help but think that for a lot of these college freshmen, the same is true.
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