Yeah, this is another "hey parents" thread...
About me:
I'm a college Freshman finishing the last quarter of my first year. I'm a computer science major, living at home and going to community college. I work 15-25 hours a week in retail and take 15-20 credits per quarter. I had a rough start to college. I currently have a 3.1 cumulative GPA and managed to snag a 3.5 last quarter (winter quarter). My parents won't accept rent/any kind of monetary compensation, so they take care of everything that is part of the monthly bills (health insurance, car payment/car insurance, cell phone) and I take care of all outside needs/wants (basically anything that isn't a monthly bill). Though they do support me by letting me live at home, I am paying for college entirely in my name. I think that covers the requisite background information...
The problem:
Part 1: I am struggling with sometimes-crippling depression and anxiety, to the point where sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed. I started paying for online counseling out of pocket in January of this year because I was at my breaking point. Basically, I Skype with him every week. My counselor has helped pull me back from the ledge I was on at the start of this year, but I'm still struggling. I start feeling overwhelmed and want to distract myself, which leads to avoiding my school work, which leads to more stress and anxiety because I'm behind. When I get behind, I avoid my work more (yes I know this doesn't make sense), and my stress/anxiety gets worse, leading me back to the same cycle. Medication is currently out of the question, because I intend to pursue a career in the military after college, and I feel like starting meds would be the kiss of death on an already uphill battle. I haven't told my parents about any of this, as I have reason to believe they won't be supportive, which leads to the second half of my problem...
Part 2:
I never differentiated in high school. I dropped out/was pulled out of school in 11th grade (long story) and had been my disabled mom's full time caretaker since 15/10th grade. I got my GED but had to put college off for a year. Now that I've started school, things have...exploded. I hate being at home because every time I'm here, there's always something. My mom takes every opportunity to make nasty passive aggressive comments about how I'm never at home ("Oh, look how much the dogs miss you...they miss you so much because you're never home" "Of course you didn't know that, you're never here"). When I do make an effort, though, my mom ignores me. She also constantly makes comments about how I'm not an adult and she doesn't see me as any different from when I was 15 (Ironically, 15 was when I became mostly "an adult", because that was the year I was taking care of her full time. I'm turning 20 this summer). She also makes weird comments about how she owns me. I'm the oldest of three girls, so I know this is an empty nest issue, but it is driving me crazy and not helping the aforementioned depression/anxiety issues.
I guess my question is...I know I can't change my parents, so how do I deal with all this? How do I come to terms with doing what's best for me even if it hurts my parents (mostly my mom)?
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Growing Pains
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Invitation to a Dialogue: College Admissions Frenzy
"… The admission frenzy will stop only when colleges, students and, frankly, parents refuse to play the game anymore — when we admit that more doesn’t equal better. Parents — and colleges — need to encourage students to approach the college search in a thoughtful, intentional way, with fit and match as the goal.
With great respect I say to all parents, 'Relax.'" …
An admission dean speaks. The Times would like to hear from you.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/19/opinion/invitation-to-a-dialogue-college-admissions-frenzy.html
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PrivateCollege529 (dot) com -- any tips?
I'd like to know if anyone has experience with PrivateCollege529?
Due to timing issues, I think we can only use it to fund D's Senior year of college. She's about to graduate from high school and it looks to me like we can use PrivateCollege529 to pre-pay her senior year (before July 1) for less than her freshman year (because current enrollment is based on the 2015-2016 year).
I'd love to hear of experiences or tips.
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How do you cope with that guilt when agreeing on your kid quitting something?
Hi parents,
Have you ever let your kid quit a sport team, a club, an organization or that sort? I don't like quitting and I don't promote it in our household. But sometimes you know it's time to let go when things are not going well or the place didn't deliver their promise they once made when you first joined. Also the opportunity cost is another factor when time and energy should be spent on things that help them pursue their goals. The sad thing is no matter how many reasons you have for quitting, people will not understand or agree. They will get mad at you, some will become hostile and even make hurtful comments.
Do you have similar experience? How did you cope with all the guilt when you see those people even you know your decision is the best option for your child?
Thank for sharing!
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UCSC Admissions Decisions Delayed another week at last minute....
What does anyone make of this? My son (and I) have been waiting and waiting on UCSC decisions, supposedly to be completed by April 30.
He is transferring from a CC, wants to major in Psych and has two other good options (UCD and UCSB).
Today May 1 he finally got a message from UCSC that they received over 1,100 more transfer applications than last year, and will have decisions posted no later than May 6. Wish they would have posted that message yesterday. I'm really curious as to why they received so many more transfer apps vs last year. And since they knew about the additional applications as of last Dec. 1, why they didn't gear up for it?
Just hard finalizing decisions without all the pieces of the puzzle in place. And kind of makes me wonder about UCSC, in the event that he is accepted. The other two schools have "Transfer Decision Days" in May for accepted transfers to visit, ask questions, look at housing etc. I can't find anything about a similar event at UCSC, and in fact under transfer events they still have last year's events listed. I"m perplexed.
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Mattress Girl Accused Sues Columbia for Harassment
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2015/04/23/columbia-university-lawsuit-mattress-rape-allegation/
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Alright, what's the deal with skyrocketing selective college applications?
The number of stories I've heard in the course of my son's application process of schools receiving record numbers of applications this year is off the charts. I can name multiple LACs whose acceptance rates have shrunken literally in half in the span of just a couple of years (e.g., St. Olaf, Trinity U, Grinnell, etc), and these aren't exactly household name kinds of places. My D's school, Olin, got 30% more applications this year than last!
So what's the deal? Didn't demographics peak a year or two ago? Are kids just applying to an ever greater number of colleges, even though the common app has been around for years now? Is it international students? Are a greater fraction of high school kids applying to college because it's seen as increasingly mandatory for satisfactory employment? Someone help me out here.
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Moved: NU waitlist
This discussion has been moved.
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I seek wise advice
So, here is something that is really enticing for some, surprising for others, concerning for still many, and imperative for me to discuss. So let us get right to it.
So, I recently got accepted into Princeton, Yale, Duke, King's College London and Hofstra University.
Now, again starting with these famous words:'Some students would sell their families to get into these; well except the last one, I guess, wait! Is that a W.R # 135, tool shed quality and size college I mentioned. How can you even think twice?
Well, yes, not only should I have before applying, about the costs, courses, and literally every dirt(not literally) on the schools I was applying into. Firstly, I completed my high school in India, so not only is the culture of guidance counselors not well conditioned or sometimes at all common, but also I have always relied on myself, my strengths, my research and my parents' support and everything throughout high school and to the way to a college acceptance.
So, now I am faced with a situation that from my experience and knowledge, only some Ivy League aspirants, then accepted students have to face; some obtain scholarships, full or a lot of aid or can afford all, or the remaining costs after little or no aid/grant/scholarship. I have only received about 20% in financial aid from the two Ivys, and Duke, which compared to the actual annual costs I have to bear, is not much. Then, I applied to Hofstra, not as influential, wealthy, or well-known or recognized for that matter. When, many students apply to smart or 'good' back-up options, I did not really know how complicated; first, the process, second, acceptance, third, deciding and considering all facets to make a decision. So, I applied to Hofstra like in April, they also have a rolling decision cycle. So, I did and have got into their selective Honors program, have study abroad options, and a presidential scholarship of about 50% of the costs. So, here is what I thought, and think, getting as much as aid as possible, but, it is the highest an international student can get, because, at Hofstra, I had more than desired SAT scores, subject tests perfect, A.Ps and everything, but only not a weighted GPA, because most schools in India, even mine, considered an excellent one, do not give weighted GPAs. So, I was potentially left out of a full scholarship from Hofstra. I was mad at first, felt hopeless, thinking as to why I did not the amount , or even close to, what I, or someone with my qualifications would expect. Then, I read, about Ronald Nelsons story, some articles , and discussions on this forum, and decided I could still go for Hofstra. Even though they have not offered me a binding financial decision yet, and I have appealed to them.
Even if I have to pay, some amount here, still it will save about 40-50 lakh Indian Rupees in my four years of undergraduate, plus, I am in the process of writing my book, commercializing my blog and hoping to take up some lucrative small and/or part times in America, which is if they don't increase the amount, but, I am hoping they will. But, my parents think, if we have to pay anyways, why not for Ivy Leagues, and after talking to a relative, who is brainstorming them, and hoping for me to come to Princeton city; she has many reasons why she does want to do that; not all encouraging, they are thinking the same. They believe that brand name is quintessential; agreed, you can get into something similar by working hard in Princeton also, agreed, but it is not easy and direct as it sounds, still I am all for working my butt off, and do not worry about the finances, it is a lot, but we will arrange and do not think abut Graduate schools right now, we will see that later; sure, why not?
But, weeks of soul searching and research, and being highly inspired by Ronald Nelson's story, I feel that I can make most of education even at Hofstra, still be able to work towards excellent graduate schools, and also save a whole lot of money. And being far-sighted is must, because this is not India we are talking about, the presidential elections are this year, and I do not want anyone: my parents or myself, do come under any financial strain. My brother is graduating from New York Film Academy in 2017, my parents will then have only one child to support,my financial aid could possibly package could shrink, and then we are back to square one. And this is a possibility, not a mere hypothesis. And, I have always valued education over money, but in the modern world, and in the current education and financial scenarios, I believe, that I must be smart and keep all major factors towards my future beneficial research, education and finances in hindsight.
The only thing now, is to get insights and advice from other people, who are experienced or have been in my shoes; enough to convince my parents of my supposed decision, thank you very much.
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Is anyone in Memphis TN will attend Wheaton Collage IL, this fall?
My son will go to Wheaton Collage this summer. We live in Memphis TN , Just want to ask.Thank you!
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Doing what you love vs what makes money?
If it were up to me, I'd want to study creative writing in college (not interested in journalism). My parents want me to do business or engineering or something that "can actually have a stable job" associated. I do want to make money but is it worth doing that as my career (something I don't love?). I need some perspective--any advice?
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What do recruiters look for on your resume?
Good article from a corporate recruiter:
"A top recruiter on what anyone can see after 30 seconds with your resume"
http://qz.com/525496/done-what-a-recruiter-sees-on-your-resume-at-first-glance/
"Things I rarely pay as much attention to:
Education. There have been times in my career where I could go a month reviewing hundreds of resumes and not recall looking at that section even once. However, I will say that as a university recruiter, I almost always looked at education first because experience is often lacking with new graduates. But if you are not a new graduate, experience is king. I can think of a few exceptions where perhaps a hiring manager wanted a certain pedigree (Wharton or HBS MBA, for example), but even that’s being de-prioritized more and more. I will also add that this changes drastically by industry and company. I currently work in tech, but I’ve also worked in management consulting, and education is huge in consulting. I’ll also add that some tech companies care more about education than others, for example, Facebook definitely more heavily favors engineering candidates who have demonstrated core CS fundamentals by obtaining a computer science degree. However, Facebook employs many engineers who never finished college."
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To move or not to move - need advice
We are currently residing in SoCal. My D is a straight A freshman in HS. She is also an editor for her school magazine, member of the school robotics team participating in many contests as well as a chairperson in couple of other Honors Society clubs. She is interested in Engineering and has a demonstrated interest in Computer Science.
We are considering a voluntary move to Houston, based on some easing of travel for H, comparable employment opportunities and more affordable houses. However, a comparison of options for D’s higher education including good plans A and B is making the decision difficult.
While assessing well-recognized public Engineering School options in both states, Texas has UTA, TAMU and UTD while California has a long list starting with Cal. We are unlikely to qualify for need based financial aid and will not be able afford private universities like Rice or USC/CalTech.
While well recognized CSUs act as a good plan B in California after the UCs, I could not find any such option in or near Texas. Am I missing any options in Texas ? Also, D's established leadership roles may be lost if we move.
Considering all of the above, as well as any Texas options I may be missing, will it be wise to move to Houston?
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Summer tour of Virginia, DC and Penn schools: thoughts?
Hi experienced parents - we are beginning to plan a summer college tour trip and am seeking some advice and suggestions from this group. My son is a current junior in California, looking at some schools the VA, DC, MD and PA area. First, we are discussing how to fly in and out. My thought was to fly into Richmond and out of Pittsburgh, but my husband thinks flying in and out of DC makes sense, and our road trip resembling a figure 8. We will have 10-12 days, would like to add some historical sites to our trip (Monticello, Civil War battlefields, etc.) and will be dragging 2 younger siblings along. Any thoughts??
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Groupthink and Choosing a College
A couple of recent experiences made me consider how much weight a college's homogeneous nature should have in the college choice process. I've come to think that attending a college with political and/or religious leanings heavily skewed to one side of the bell curve is a serious problem.
As a life-long liberal, I've been completely uninterested in my offspring (who are also left-leaning politically) attending a college like Liberty or even ones like Calvin College or Hillsdale. I've come around to the thought that attending a college like Occidental also may be a poor decision.
Here's how I came to this conclusion.
First, Occidental. I had read about the recent Oxy sexual assault case and the apparent rush to judgement reportedly encouraged by the administration (don't care to make this thread a rehashing of this event). For those that have toured Oxy, you will know it makes a big deal about President Obama being a former student on two occasions (stopping to point out what is known as the Presidential Suite in one dorm and stopping for several minutes in front of an Obama display in the library). (BTW, I like Obama and would vote for him a third time if given a choice.) In addition, the student newspaper prints stories/editorials that nearly ubiquitously favor left-leaning ideas. In short, Oxy seems to be a nearly homogeneous pot of left-leaning groupthink.
The second experience I had was watching ESPN's recent 30-for-30 documentary on the Duke lacrosse rape scandal that occurred back in 2006/7. Highly recommend this film! It chronicles the cauldron of several stereotypes, groupthink, and rush to judgement that resulted in the wrongful indictment of a few players and disbarment of a rouge DA (among other things). It's the groupthink involving the media, student body, and criminal justice system that I found most repulsive. In this case, it's again left-leaning groupthink.
IMO, college ideally should be about engaging people with different views during the academic process. I don't think an environment like Liberty or Oxy is conducive to this academic process. In honing a college list for my Ds, I didn't give much weight to whether or not a college had a groupthink mentality, but I'm now reconsidering this approach.
Would like to hear other's thoughts.
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Should parents expect support from their child whom they've helped pay for college?
If I pay for my sons' college and essentially, have less retirement money, should I expect them to support me financially when I get old and retire? Is that a fair expectation?
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Very worried about daughter
For the past year D1 has been struggling with various chronic health issues and as a result has had to miss school for doctor's appointments and illness. Last semester she really struggled with keeping up with work because some of her teachers were getting angry with her and yelling at her in front of her classmates. She's always been kinda sensitive and eager to please so being talked to like that made her very anxious. Her teachers would give her a hard time for going to the nurse and talk badly about her behind her back, among other things. Throughout all this the administration has not been supportive at all. They've been manipulative and tried to control what she says. The administration has also taken the side of the teachers and refused to believe that they would ever behave unprofessionally. However despite all this she rallied and was able to finish her first semester successfully. Second semester she was doing much better and she made up work in a much more timely fashion. When she had a college visit she did her tests and quizzes in advance and did a good job communicating with the teachers. I really thought things were looking up.
Last year (her junior year) the administration made her go on a medical leave of absence and throughout this entire year they've been threatening that again. Well about a month ago they finally followed through on their threat :( They said she had missed too many days in school, most of which were for doctor's appointments. This was incredibly upsetting as she was not behind on any work and had mostly A's. They told her that she could still graduate if she completed her two English classes via email with her teachers. Since this happened my daughter has been incredibly depressed. She rarely gets up and she cries every day. She says things like, "I don't feel like myself anymore." and "What's the point of school?" She has not completed any of her school work for her English classes and has not communicated with the teachers. She says that whenever she thinks about school she becomes even more depressed and so right now she is trying to block it out and pretend like it didn't happen. D1 very much thrives on structure and social interaction and now she has neither. She doesn't talk to her friends because she feels embarrassed and doesn't want to burden them with her problems. I'm very concerned that she won't be able to complete her English classes and that she won't be able to graduate.
DD is a very smart girl and she is very excited about college. She has literally been looking forward to going to college since elementary school. She has always loved school and learning so this is completely crushing for her. I've offered to enroll in the local public school for the last month so that she can at least finish her classes. I really don't want to have to do this though because I want her to be able to graduate with her friends. I'm also worried that she will feel more isolated because she knows no one at the public school and she wouldn't have anyone to even eat lunch with there.
My number one concern however is her mental health. This has been a very rough year for her. She's been very ill, she moved for the first time after me and her father divorced, one of her good friends tried to kill herself, and she was molested by one of her physicians. Despite all this she has maintained a happy positive outlook until she was removed from school. I'm really worried because this is so much for a teenager (or anyone) to cope with.
I'm sorry that this post is so long, but if you've read all the way to the end thank you. I am at a complete loss and really need an outside perspective.
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If a major at a college are filled to capacity, what is preferable for the college to do?
If a major at a college are filled to capacity, with more students wanting to get into the major, what is preferable for the college to do?
Common examples of such majors are nursing, engineering (usually at popular state flagships), computer science, and business, but could also include other majors (including some popular liberal arts majors).
A. Have frosh/transfer applicants apply specifically to the major, with higher admission standards than the school overall. What space that becomes available due to subsequent attrition can be offered to major-changers through a competitive secondary admission process. (Some schools offer applicants rejected from the major admission in a second choice major or undeclared, while others reject entirely if not admitted from the major.)
B. Have frosh/transfer applicants apply to general admission or pre-major status, admitting more interested students than the major can hold, but weed some of them out of the major by requiring a high college GPA or competitive secondary admission process later.
C. Combination of A and B, where some space in the major are filled by admission to the major, but other space (beyond the space that becomes available by attrition) are available for students admitted to general admission or pre-major status to compete for.
(Some schools may use different methods for frosh versus transfer applicants.)
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How do we handle this situation - PSU?
Thanks for looking into my issue.
His recent GPA is 4.01. He has scored 540 in Critical Reading, Math 600 & Writing 630 in SAT on 11/7/2015. His applicant rank is 36 in the class of 509. He has many AP courses with remarkable grades. He is in principal honor roll.
He applied for PSU and got the admission. We received the Financial Aid Letter that surprised us. The high school Counselor told us that, he will get scholarships from colleges. As we live in Maryland, we took a chance at PSU. We received the Financial Aid Letter that surprised us. We did not see any scholarship/aid. Total cost shows as 49K+. They want us to pay as one payment or 3 payments in Aug 2016, Oct 2016 & Nov 2016 with $45 extra fee. They are not committing upfront on waivers based on his AP grades. As out-of-state, we will be paying 74% more than their in-state student cost. They are not helping us to work on additional burden. We learned that subsequent year cost will be much more than 49k+
It will be out of reach for us without a scholarship/aid. Our son is not able to understand this situation. If we pay for 1st year and unable to pay following years, he will be a college drop out. It is hard to imagine.
Some of you in this forum may have faced this situation.
How did you handle this situation?
What are the work around?
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Is it OK to accept a scholarship, but later decline (not attend)?
Our son has been offered a school-based scholarship which is only offered to NMFs, but there is a limited number available, and it is "first come, first served." He is awaiting offers from other schools, all of which should be in by around April 1. This opportunity is very good, but he my want to take another if it comes through. We have a couple of visits planned in the next couple of weeks as well.
The question is: Would it be unethical to accept the scholarship, and put down a housing deposit there, with the possibility that he would later decline the scholarship (and obviously forfeit the housing deposit)?
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